Thursday, October 22, 2015

It's The End...again??

Assalamualaikum...

     It's afternoon right now when I start writing this post. Today's haze seems to be reduce a little bit compare to yesterday. I can see the trees in front of our gate now. Unlike yesterday, the outside looks like thick foggy..feels like our house on the top of the mountain but with an unhealthy fogs....huhuhuhu

     Well, like the title...it's ended between me and him. As I thought, things like this will surely come since we started fighting each other emotionally. I didn't take that fight for too long, just a couples of day, and I already forgive him. Yet, he still in that mood of grudge and revenge so what ever he talks, it's always in sound of anger. He always spoke harshly with me in the chatting. And that continue day by day, and it almost a month right now.

     Maybe he hurt so much, he even doesn't want to pick up my calls or meeting up with me. Am I that bad? I'm seriously really bad in communicating with people I guess. I don't know how to express my feelings and thought in a correct way with the correct words. Ohhh....why am I like this? Why does it always happen to me like this?

     I know that I like to give advice to him, even though I repeating the same advice. I have that potential of keep repeating the same things unconsciously. My advice were being interpret as insinuation to him. What ever I post in my wechat moments, he thought that I was referring to him even it is not. My good intention were presumed badly. My wrong expression were considered humiliation to him. Yeah, I agree that sometimes my face express wrongly especially when I'm running out of time while my heart has no intention to do so.

     I guess i'm phobia now...because of what happens. It's really hurt when the one you love talk roughly with you, even you have admit your mistake and begging for forgiveness. It's even hurt when that person not just hate you, but also hate your family...even hate your races. I think it has going a bit far from what suppose too.

     After what happen, I feel I should just take a recoil back and and end up with all this relationship. Before its going too far from what happen now. It's not that I hate him. I do love him even now, even what he did to me, despite what he 'maki hamun' to me with all that sort of things. Sometimes, loves doesn't mean you have to be together.

   This time, really teach me a lot of things in a relationship. About families, patience, courtesy, compromise, truth, honest and many more than I ever can say. Who would expect this kind of situation or problem would have happen? What I really learn is that it's better to talk the truth even if its hurt rather than keeping a grudge towards your partner and burst it out like a volcano.

     Human always making mistake either they realize it or not. I'm afraid that I would accidentally making the same mistake again. And I afraid it would turn even worst than what happen right now. So, I rather this relationship ended in a good way. It was such a horrible experience to me. hmmmm.....I guess that's it.

     I need to get straight of my self now. Rethink again in how to improve myself. Reconsidering my priority in life. I hope Allah helping me in all the way and hope I could gain His love until Jannah. Well, that all for now. I hope I could post more valuable stories than this in the future. Thanks for reading. See you again next time.

Thanks you and Assalamualaikum...


Sincerely,
KINA

Monday, October 5, 2015

Fight With Patience

Assalamualaikum..

     A lots of things I wanna write about but lots of work waiting for me...huhuhu Lately, my patience been test..well, that's what I feel about. At certain point, I feel like I just wanna sit down and crying the whole day long until I feel satisfied. Because I've been holding on until now. Never thought I could yet I still can bared it.

     The fight just started because of a small things (to me) but it turn out to be bigger until we don't greet each other. Yes, I admit that my way is wrong, actually I have a good intention towards it. I just wanna give some advice to 'A' so this person would change the attitude for a better one. Yeah, accidentally my way of advice it a bit retort I guess...huhuhuhu


     I already apologize cause I admit my wrong and so on. But still 'A' just keep silence and doesn't reply to me. I have face things like this before and I know how it will ended. Still, I'm trying to avoid that consequences from happen. Of course I have no power to do so. So I just leave it to Allah cause He know what is better for us.


     Human are complex not easy to change in just a blink of an eye. So do behaviour, it need step by step to change it into a better person. Listening tazkirah from Ustaz Pahrol regarding to the topic "Changing Yourself From The Inside" really give me some light of understanding in human and how do we cater them. He's really good in giving advice that can touch your heart by just listening to it.

     I'll be just patience from now onwards. Using my time maximumly with all the works that I have to be done especially for my business. So that I wouldn't not wasting my time with unproductive activities. Pray for me everyone. I hope we all being bless by Allah in what ever we do and Allah keeping us in the straight path.


     That for today. Thanks for reading my expression. See you again. Adiozzz...(^_^)