Monday, March 31, 2014

Little by Little I Start Where I Stand

          Been wonder why am I being lazy almost all the time? It might because of a broken heart in the end of last years. Its not that I'm not bright enough, its not that I don't know what to do, its not that I don't have work. It just because a fragile heart has broken into a thousand piece scattered all around my life. I'm a live but my heart is dead.

         Until when do I have to continue to punish myself? I wonder why and when did it happen...Its just like not the real me...Its like I'm running a way from something that hurt myself. I'm try to healing myself the way it shouldn't be. I'm ruining myself and wasting my time as if I pray the time would move faster than they are now. Today as I read a poem, my heart seems to move a little bit. Maybe I should change by today even if it just a baby step changes. Little by little I put back my all my scattered fragment piece by piece until it become one again. 

        Here I share the poem that move my heart. I hope it will move your's too. Lets us share it together...(^_^) 

Start where you stand and never mind the past,
The past won't help you in beginning new,
If you have left it all behind at last,
Why, that's enough, your're done it, you're through;

This is another chapter in the book, 
This is another race that you have planned,
Don't give the vanishes days a backward look,
Start where you stand;

The world won't care about your old defeats,
If you can start a new and win success,
The future is your time, and time is fleet,
And there is much of work and strain and stress;

Forget the buried woes and dead despairs,
Here is a brand-new trial right at hand,
The future is for those who does and dares,
Start where you stand;

Old failures will not halt, old triumphs aid,
Today's the thing, tomorrow soon will be,
Get in the fight and face it unafraid,
And leave the past to ancient history;

What has been, has been, yesterday is dead,
And by it you are neither blessed nor banned,
Take courage, be brave and drive ahead,
Start where you stand.

Berton Braley

It might be just a little steps today. But from today onwards, these little step will keep walking on her path.....

Little by little,

Sunday, March 30, 2014

A fragment of Me


  A fragment of me have flew by from me. Without I realize, I've showed a fragment of my true colour to that 'ajusssi' which a just come to know recently. The actually me who is hard to be friendly with strangers, trying so hard to be friendly as I could to surpass my arrogant. Suddenly today I just slipped a little that cost me to reveal my dark side character.

         Ajusssi just acting cool as an adult should be and giving me a wise advice. "Rule No.1: Never said to any of your friends 'You don't understand' as if you insulting them"said ajusssi. Taken back by those word, I just sit down speechless and mind was like struck out with most of my memories of the past. Am I like that all this 24 years back then?

          So I confide to my dear 'twin' about it and how I feel. Thus, for a second round again I was struck out by her words. She said "If your matured enough that things are just nothing...bla bla bla....and so bla..bla..bla...That ajusssi might runaway from you". As always she keep talking like a nanny. What?? Ajusssi might runaway??!!!!!!!  OMG! please say no..!!  

             Hmmpphhhhhhh~~~ Will he? Maybe he will as I already being rude just now. But the truth is it is not ajusssi who runaway. Its actually ME! I'm the one who running a way from ajusssi. Because I feel so ashamed with my attitude and my rude words plus my childish acts. I should punish myself for this...Grrrrr! Still in the end, I'm true if I say I'm like a spoiled child in a woman's body.

         In a nutshell, a past is past and it already happen. Life must go on what ever I have gone through and will face up in the future. Till then its the best that I just keep silence. If I start talking I might bring another fragment of me flying out in the air. Hope the butterfly fragment won't show up again. I wonder what ajusssi might think of me??


A colour test result


         Feeling some of the times with a colour quizzes to sweep away the boring are the result. I bet 80% of the answers are definitely TRUE!!! That what I felt. huhuhu....

Color Test - Results

Your Existing Situation

"Is sensitive and easily influenced by other's thoughts and emotions. Looking for friendly, easy-going relationships and jobs that help develop them."

Your Stress Sources

"Sensitive, gentle, and emotional; having a strong need to find some sort of magical harmony and beauty. Artistic in nature, she longs to find a partner who finds these things important as well; however, having trouble finding such a perfect person. Keeps a close eye on her emotional and how much of herself is given to others. she must always know where she stands with others and longs to be regarded with respect. her taste are geared to the artistically beautiful and refined, but she can be harsh and critical of works of art and creativity. Yearns to make friends with those who can help build her intelligence and artistic ability."

Your Restrained Characteristics

"Current situation makes her feel unable to prove himself, but tries to make the best of things."
He is being forced to be happiness and pleasure on hold for new due to her limiting circumstances.
Conceited and is easily insulted. Holds back emotionally but is able to find satisfaction through sexual activity.
He is being forced to be happiness and pleasure on hold for new due to her limiting circumstances.

Your Desired Objective

"Looking for a loving relationship, which brings happiness and contentment. Brings emotional excitement to the relationship. Helpful and willing to give as much as she takes, and requires the same sort of giving relationship from others. "

Your Actual Problem

"Tends to be too trusting, so she must protect herself from this or she runs the risk of being misunderstood or used by others. Searching for a relationship which provides a safe and understanding environment, one where she knows exactly where she stands with her partner at all times."

Your Actual Problem #2

"Wants to be valued and respected, seeks a close and peaceful relationship with a shared respect of each other."

Well, this is just for fun while waiting for pictures to be uploaded....till then peeps....see u next time...Bubye!!


Days Without Internet


          First of all, I would like to send my condolence to the families and friends of the victims of MH370. I pray for their soul to rest in peace. Hope the families and friends of the victims never give up in praying for them. From Allah we came, and to Allah we return. Innalillahi Wa Inna Ilaihirajiu'n.

          Well, few days of non peace day have past. Thank goodness! Why do I said so? It's because these few days the internet line just cut off because of the fire. The wire were burn so there's no internet signal in my neighbourhood. After calling the TM centre, it took them more than three days to do their jobs. Now I feel relief that the internet are back again. Yipppy!!

         Come to think about it again, I was like a child who's looking for her milk. Urghh! It's so so so.....hurmm, unexplainable at that moments. It hinder me from chatting with my friends and getting update with the netizens. My my what's have 'these internet' turn me in to??? Its like the world is incomplete without it. Its limiting my works. Later I realize that I've been infected by internet. Hmmmmmm~~

        With some of the time without internet, I engage myself to meditation with The Almighty. In hope to regain some peacefulness and calmness in my heart and my days to move on with the temporary situations. In the same time, I have a lot of thing to be share here. Its like my minds flooded with tons of ideas of topics to be shared here. Yet, last night when I finally able to online and things come back to normal, my mind seems to be freeze with ideas. Fingers doesn't know what to type about. So strange~

        As things back to normal, lets me just end up here. I would like to talk about other topics later. So thanks again for visiting my blog. I really appreciate if you would like to drop down some comments of my posts. Till next time peeps. Adiozzsssssss!!



Friday, March 21, 2014

Ku Pinang Kau Dengan Bismillah


          Apa khabar semua?? Lama da rasa xposting dalam BM...perkataan pun ntah ape2 je...bercampur baur dah...muahahaha ni akibat nye xpraktik kan bahasa melayu....mai hr ni kita memperkasakan bahasa jiwa bangsa.....kikikiki Jadi, hari ni nak memporet sikit nak melempias segala bebanan dalam hati nih.....bertatih-tatih untuk menyeimbangkan bahasa melayu dan, kalau rasa menyampah baca tu sorry laa yer....saya sedang dan akan terus mencuba sedaya upaya....(^_^)

          Jadi malam tadi sebelum tidur, kina dengar lagu tu atas tu...."Ku Pinang Kau Dengan Bismillah" dinyanyikan oleh saya punya artis kesayangan Pasha Ungu dan Rossa. Memang minat sangat lah dengan dieorang berdua ni. Dari sekolah menengah tu sejak tingkatan 3 lagi. Dah 10 tahun berlalu tapi suara dieorang tetap di hatiku....cewahhhh! (^_^) Punya lah feeling dengar lagu ni sampai ulang puluh-puluh kali tuh. Tapi maaf ye, kina belum nak kawin lagi walaupun sangat berhajat untuk berkahwin....hahaha.

       Kebanyakan kawan - kawan kina dah kahwin, tapi yang betul-betul rapat atau pernah rapat dengan kina baru ada dua orang laa. Geng-geng single lagi nih...hahahaha Kawan-kawan masa belajar dekat kolej matrikulasi perak dulu, ada sorang dah kahwin siap da berisi da pun. Kepada Atika Akma, selamat mengandung....harap si ibu dan baby nye sihat sentiasa ye. Lama giler da xjumpa walaupun ko mengajar kat sarawak. Ko jauh sangat dalam-dalam tempat ko mengajar. Tak mampu den nak gi....huhuhu
sweet kan married couple ni....semoga berbahagia hingga 
akhir hayat korang berdua....(^_^)

       Kepada roomate yang rapat giler babeng masa matrikulasi, Cik Erni Nur Nasuha kte, dah jadi tunang orang da sekarang.....haha Hujung tahun ni majlis dia, kina nak sangat2 pergi. Jadi dok usha2 tiket jugak ni, kot2 ada yang murah....kalau xde pun mintak mummy dan daddy belanja....oh, please please please...(^_<) Tak sangka nasuha nak kawin dah, mesti happy giler dia menghitung hari....hahaha kina pun xsabar nak tengok kawan kesayangan kina ni bersanding...suka duka masa kat matrik xkan ku lupakan ye nasuha....hahaha kina pulak??
Gorgeous giler kan nasuha time bertunang ni??
love her, cepat2 laaa kawin xsabar nak gi ni...(^_^) 

          Dan kina pulak xtahu bila nak kahwin....calon pun tak de...nak kahwin macam mana nih?? Mak cerita yang dia kahwin dengan ayah masa umur 24. Tapi sekarang kina dah 24 dah ni....tak kahwin lagi ape cer ni?? Mummy, bukan kina tak nak kahwin tapi nobody wants me....uwaaaa!! Alahai, kesian pulak dengan diri sendiri...bercinta daa berkali2 tapi bila daa part nak kahwin tu takde lak yang nak....happa lah, baik tak yah bercinta kan....hhuhuhuhu takpe2, luas pemandangan banyak pemgalaman...betul ke ni??...hahaha

         Tapi yang pasti nya, "the six girls" panggilan yang kina reka sendiri untuk geng2 masa kat UMK dulu xde sorang pun yang kahwin lagi....bertunang pun belum...whewwww! xdelah rasa single sorang2 kan...hahaha kina patut cadangkan kteorg ambil gambar sebelum jadi bini orang kan. Sapelah yang akan pecah rekod dulu ni. Memandangkan kina yang paling muda antara the geng, mungkin kah kina yang terakhir??? (0_o!!)

          Memandangkan dah banyak kali gagal dalam bercinta, so kina malas dah nak pikir tentang tu. Kalau ada yang nak, silakan lah ber'interview' dengan mak dan ayah kina...senang citer kan?? tak payah susah payah nak bercinta nanti lepas kahwin boleh laaa nak bercinta bagai nak rak kan...rak buku pun boleh...muahahahaha kawan2 yang prihatin, minta kina berkawan2 laaa dengan bujang2 kan...boleh laaa kot, tapi bila pikir lagi dalam2, mesti kina takut....takut benda yang sama berulang lagi...flow dia mesti macam ni....seriouly sama dah 3 4 kali dah...(kantoi lak slalu bercinta...gegege)

Berkawan---->Kawan Special---->Girlfriend---->Berjauhan---->Breakup(alasan sebab family)

        So sampai sekarang rasa dah fedup dah.....bagi xnak kecewakan kengkawan, kina berkawan je lah...mane tau kan, jodoh ada di situ....cewahhh, mengharap sangat laa tu... :-p  korang yang baca post ni patut dengar lagu tu smabil2 baca...baru sampai feelings tu....ok lah banyak dah memporet di sini....padahal xpenting pun....haaaa, saje nak luah perasaan....huhuhu jumpa len kali ye....ADOISZZZZ~~~

Tulus ikhlas,


#atika n nasuha, aku curik pic korang kat fb....LOL!   (^_^)

Tuesday, March 18, 2014

Unseen Loneliness


          Hello there readers!! It's been so long is't since the last time I wrote my post here right? Well, before I've kind of busy with my life. Then comes several problems, trials and tribulation hitting on my daily life that change my emotions quite a lot. After that I'm trying to recover myself from the severe damage of my sentiment. Bla bla bla and so on that not important.

          As the result, I'm kind of steady right now compare to several month back then. Yet some unacceptable feelings come to wrap up on me. I call it the 'loneliness' that is unseen. Arghh! Why does that feelings come at this moments??? damn! Come to think of it, how did I get this feelings before? Ohh yeah, it because years back I have someone very very dearly to me to accompany my daily life. Which makes my day full of spirit and lively even though I have nothing to be proud of. Because my day full with love, I didn't realize the consequences that I have to face in the future. As wise man said, 'there nothing free in this world, everything have a price to pay with'.

          Hundreds days of happy moment with that 'special' person come to the end. I don't want to detailed behind the scene as I still feel hurt until today. The happiness I enjoy without worries paid with lost that torture my soul. The pain cannot be seen with even a crystal clear eyes yet feelings is so destruction. Enough is enough. My best friend a.k.a unrelated blood twin doesn't shock when I told her the story. Yet she babbling "I know it will end like yet you never learn your lesson. Stop crying, your tears value much more then that brat!" Urghhhh! My my she sound like a nanny to be but she the only friend who know me so well even what kind of background I have. Love you twin!!

          Now I've been wrapping under the sheet of loneliness. I try to do many activities until I feel lazy to do so....hahahaha So my friends came with crazy idea (I think its so crazy) to introduce me to some of their 'single' friends so that I move on my life and stop stick to the brat that doesn't know how to appreciate me. AHHHHH......its crazy you know!! I'm not that kind of girl who can simply befriend with stranger guy without any purpose. This is nonsense! Still they insist me to do so especially my so loyal twin that keep babbling at me every time I complain to her about this uneasiness feeling....(ohh twin,how could you do this to me).                 (-_-!!)

         Hurmm...if only I learn from my past, I would never turn to be this way right? I have face this situation many time before and the reason they give is exactly the same. FAMILY PROBLEM . why are they being so obstructive towards me? Which part of my background that you all can't accept the most?? Arghhh, my poor poor lovely family. Nobody want to accept me when they know my background. Its okay, I still love my family very much even though many boys rejected me, my family wouldn't. Love you my family!!

        I accept my friends idea which thanks to Nasuha and Hidayah for the introductions. The truth is I'm scared!! I know they are not alien but they are so call 'men' you know. Urgghhhh! Did I mention I hate boys and men now? except my family members. Sorry, pardon me for my mistake. Yes I quite hate them a little bit. Boys only know how to break girls heart. I hate that. Have you ever heard this quote "Boys are stupid, some men too".  I think that quite is right. (ok kina, please take care of your mouth and don't start to cursing here) Fuhh, lets calm down for awhile.

        I think I should end it here before I'm cursing some more which are not so got for my mouth. Hope this 'loneliness' feelings will disappeared soon. Please heart I begging you to heal completely in peace.

Till then, see you in the future readers!!