Monday, January 16, 2012

Good Afternoon everyone,

How are you today????.............its been sunny here but raining in my heart........i wish i know why but yet i can figure it out the reasons that lies behind all this feelings..........its like all feeling are mix together............the happiness, sadness, nervous, afraid or even stress..............as usually to overcome all this mixing stuff my solutions is CRYING..........cause i believe by crying it can help me release all the burden that have fill my heart.......isn't kind of strange if you suddenly crying while you don't know the reasons why?

I'm crying here but someone don't want to cry........cause that person feeling bad and want me to smile again............i wish i could say that by crying that is my best solution...........even though it look like a looser, yet it really give me a big relieve deep inside my here........maybe because I'm that fragile, that why i tend to take this simple solution............hohohoho

now i have finish crying for all the things i have worried about.............there are many things that i worried that makes me keep thinking about it..........let say the things is from the half year ago........starting with waiting for a hope that i don't know the future........which is related to my feelings towards someone............that feeling........there time when i feel like i wanna give up everything about it........cause waiting is killing...........now the things i waited for so long have return.........yet i don't know what should i do...........why should it return to me now as it have leave me behind for so long?

the other things that worried me have to be the place that i should do my industrial training..............i have choose where i wanna go but my parents don't want me to go that far........why are they so worried about me?....can't they give me a chance for me to choose my own path?........i have followed their decision since i' a kid............everything i do is what they want.......then,when should be the time for me to do what i wanna do?

next is about the coming soon exam...........this exam is killing me i guess........cause its so hard hard that i feel like i wanna give up........where is my mission on this study?...has it gone already?.........its seems to be not like me.........where is my egoist that help me to continue all this challenge?.........i thinks i need to go back to what i have said before.......which i swear i would be the very best among the guys who have hurt my heart and leaving just like that........that swear, i shall fulfill it no matter what!!

besides all this, my stress today could be because i have been too long apart from my family.......i cant lie to myself that really miss them all very much indeed...........i wish i can go home right now......hugging all my family.........cooking for them and laughing with them.........thinking about that.......when will i'm able to go back home?

lastly, i have try to think about my current situations........which a conflict came across as there is an overlap between friend and love with the mind set that sealed with powerful words.......its like i have dont a sin towards what i call friendship..........i wish i could know how the future are like........either i'm taking the right path or not.........i really afraid if i have took the wrong path........i dont wanna lose a friend,yet dont wanna miss the love either.......so what should i do?


so i whisper to myself.....



~~soon the time will tell, be a brave girl with full of courage~~

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